I’ve got this great idea that I’d love to tell you about over lunch, in one of those swanky places with rows of complex cutlery and ambiguous food. And napkins that are made of woven material, not disposable and so using them feels a bit like you’re using the corner of the tablecloth — totally transgressive. And there’ll be a drinks menu with a wordsearch of wine names. And a placeholder with my name on it reading, ‘HERE WILL SIT RANDOLPH DAVIES WHO DOTH DECLARE A LACK OF LONGER BIO.’